trauma PTSD stress healing

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2007. I had a lot of big stressors in my life for a time period. I am finding hard to put in to this format. I may bounce back and forth a bit during my posts so please be patient with me. I am so much better now then I ever was! Before the sressors and before the event that finally consumed me leading to the PTSD diagnosis. I know I have changed so much and I am still not done changing. It has been almost 11 months . About 8 months ago I realized I was in trouble and reached out for help. I felt like my body was shutting down. I remember feeling like my soul/spirit left my body nothing was making sense to me. You have to know the basics. I'll keep it brief. I stopped an attempted suicide by one of my staff members. This person is doing well now. You would think I would be rejoicing since their life was saved but no it was the opposite. From there life was going to be different and I could fight it or allow it to take its place. I fought it. I was use to being in control of my feelings and certianly did not see the lodgic in loosing it (my mind etc) over this situation. If you feel like you are out of control with worry, fear, anxiety, nightmares etc seek some professional help. That is how I started to get better. I will write again soon. Keep in mind you do not always get what you want and some day you may be thank ful for that. I know I am.